Boys To Women
by A.D. Williams
Summary: Inuyasha, Miroku, and Sesshomaru are transformed into women in an attempt to make them appreciate the female species more. Will it work?
1. Men And Women Are Not Equal

Wow, here I am, back with another story, and it hasen't even been a week yet! I think I'm on a roll! Anyways, thanks to all of you who've reviewed my other stories and even if you haven't read any of my other works, I hold no grudges against you. To those of you who do know me, I once again have crossed over times. You'll see what I mean. I do hope you like this story. So, without further ado, enjoy!

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Men and Women Are _Not _Equal

"Miroku, avert your eyes. Miroku? Miroku!" Sango shouted at him. Very slowly did he fianlly tear his eyes away from the geisha that were dancing in the restaurant where they were eating a late dinner. She gave a heavy sigh. _At least he's not trying to touch them. _Looking back at the monk, she noticed that he had put his head close to Inuyasha's and that they were whispering, every now and then throwing a glance in her and Kagome's direction.

"Why do you put up with it?" Kagome asked her. "Why not leave him and find someone who can treat you better? He act's like he's some kind of pimp or something. You need to show him that you ain't playing about having a relationship." Sango sighed again and said, "He's a good person. He just needs some guidence." "Mm-hm," Kagome mumbled skeptically.

As they left the resturant, they noticed a tall figure slowly making their way towards them. In the darkness, Sango, Miroku, and Kagome couldn't tell who it was, but Inuyasha immediatly picked up the familiar scent. "Sesshomaru! What the hell are you doing here?" The demon lord's silver-white hair in the moon light blew in the wind, making him look like a female model. As if to add emhasis to that, he flicked a strand over his shoulder. "I have the right to be wherever I wish to be. Jaken decided to start PMSing and burnt dinner, so I decided to go out to eat. Got a problem with that?"

Inuyasha pulled out Tetsusaiga and gripped it as if his life counted on it, readying himself to attack. Sango and Kagome, on the other hand, were completly pissed about his "PMSing" comment. _So that's how he thinks of women, eh? _An elderly woman thought, as she was passing. _As if we're always complaining about things. This young man needs to be taught a lesson. _She passed inbetween Sesshomaru and Inuyasha, as if getting in the way of them fighting. "Move out the way, you old hag!" Inuyasha yelled at her. Miroku snickered.

Without warning, she threw a cloud of dust over Inuyasha, Miroku, and Sesshomaru, making all of them cough. Then she chanted a phrase in an unknown tounge, a bright light forming around the men as she did so. With a vibrant explosion, all three of them were knocked unconsious on the ground. When the light cleared, the woman was nowhere to be found. Inuyasha was the first to come to. "What the hell?" He froze. _What the hell?_ he thought. The voice that had come out of his mouth was entirely too high pitched.

Miroku woke up next. "I think I have a migrane," he said, rubbing his head. _Whoa! Since when did I start having migranes? Don't only women have them? _Last, but not least, Sesshomaru finally came around. "I think I need some chocolate cake." _And some ice cream and cookies too, _he thought, the fact of now having a womanly voice passing right over his head. All of them stood up slowly and examined eachother. All of them fell into a fit of laughter, Sesshomaru's strangely being the loudest and most high pitched.

All of their appearances had changed. Miroku's hair was now shoulder length and had spiral curls in it. His eyes had become a soft grey color and he almost appeared as if he were blushing. He gave a girlish giggle which he hid behind his hand and looked at Sesshomaru, whose suble changes still stood out clearly. Though he retained his markings, the hard features of a warrior had vanished, making him look delicate and almost innocent. The same went for Inuyasha, except the thick bangs that had formed over his forehead had all but vanished. What was left, curled on both sides to give it a heart shape.

Sango and Kagome looked on with a mixture of awe and satisfaction. "I think it's time to earn a little respect," Kagome told her friend. Sango nodded agreement and marched right up to the now turned women, but looking mostly at Miroku. "For the longest time, you've treated women as if we were some kind of toy that you could play around with, then throw aside at your leisure. Well, welcome to being a female! The feminine world is a cold and dark place. Girls can be down right rude to eachother and some only live to make others hurt. You say we're PMSing, but life's stressful! You'll see what I mean all too soon!" Sango took a deep breath before she started going on a rant.

"That'll do, Sango, that'll do." She and Kagome turned their backs on the "new girls" and headed for her house. _Let them figure out how it feels to be a woman on their own for a while_, Kagome thought. _They probably won't even last the night. _She was right. Right after this thought, a loud shriek emitted from Inuyasha. "Eww! A flea!" The other two girls screamed too. "Where? Is it on me! Is it on me!" Sesshomaru cried. "Kill it, kill it, kill it!" Miroku panicked. But Inuyasha's gaze was now on the ground where he had brushed Myouga.

"Master Inuyasha! It's nice to see...you..." He faltered, taking in Inuyasha's and the other two's new looks. _Oh, boy. This isint going to go over well with the Western council committee. Lord Sesshomaru--_ His thoughts were inturrupted cause Inuyasha had taken one of Miroku's sandals and proceeded to beat Myouga. "Take that, you nasty pest!" The other two cheered him on, as if he were some kind of war hero. Myouga inflated himself again and took off into the grasses surrounding the near-by houses. _He needs a bitch slap! _he thought as he hopped to a safe distance away from them.

Unknowingly to him, he got his wish. A resounding slap ringed through the air as Sesshomaru hit Inuyasha. "You just stepped on my 2000 dollar shoes, you whore!" Inuyasha gave a sharp intake of breath. "Well...well...you're a bitch!" He retorted. It was now Sesshomaru's turn to gasp. With a cry of rage, the two now sisters started scratching at eachother and pulling one another's hair. "Bitch fight!" Miroku cried out, and people poked their heads out of their houses to watch.

Everything seemed to be in Sesshomaru's favor until he stopped fighting, suddenly examining his hand. "Oh, no! I broke a claw!" He got up and kept looking at his hand as if it were the most sacred thing on earth. Inuyasha got up and started dusting himself off, flicking his hair back over his shoulder. Miroku yawned, now bored with the lack of action, and started following down the road the same way Kagome and Sango had tooken earlier. Inuyasha and Sesshomaru followed, each looking as if they were in a daze, but keeping their distances.

That night was just the first of many bad evenings to come.

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Okay, probably not my best work ever, but it'll get more interesting as the story goes! Please review! Oh yeah, I'm looking for female names for Sesshomaru, Inuyasha, and Miroku. Also, if possible, I want the names to begin with the same letter as their name (ex. for Sesshomaru, his name could be Sabrina. That's just an example, though) I don't care about their meanings, though if you know them, that's great too. It dosen't have to be Japanese, either. If you have any ideas, you could leave it in a review, or e-mail it to me, just look at my profile for it. 


	2. Not All Women Are Ment To Cook

Extreamly sorry for the hold up. Having a bit of creativity problems. Those of you who've read my other story might know what I mean. My muse. It decided to quit on me recently. I'll post a for hire sign soon, for any free agents. Also, you'll notice in this chapter that a lot of times I may put "he" when referring to Inuyasha, Sesshomaru, or Miroku, but that's only because they still consider themselves boys and I'm capturing things from their minds' point of veiw. Anyways, once again, please read and enjoy!

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Not All Women Are Ment To Cook

Sango and Kagome came down stairs the next morning to see that Sesshomaru, Inuyasha, and Miroku had picked the front lock and let themselves in. Sesshomaru was sprawled out on the couch, legs hanging over the side onto the floor, and a puddle of drool soaking a throw pillow. Inuyasha had slept in a La-Z Boy recliner, but somehow during the night, he had flipped upside down. Now his legs were hanging over the back, the chair reclined and his head on the part ment for your feet. As for Miroku, he was alseep on the floor, legs spread, and one hand on the area that used to contain his junk, as if that's how he slept every night.

Kagome clicked her tounge in dissapproval. Grabbing another pillow off the couch, she hit Sesshomaru in the head with it. He didn't wake up, only grunted something that sounded like "Jenny Craig" then rolled over and began snoring loudly. With a indignant huff, Kagome went to the living room stereo system and turned it on, turning the knob to where the volume was all the way up. A moment later, some old N'Sync song came blaring out.

In a flash, all three of the tresspassers were up, but not in a good way. Inuyasha and Sesshomaru were crawling around on the floor, trying to keep not the music its self, but who was singing it, out there ears. Likewise, Miroku was doing the same. "Make it stop! Make it stop! In the name of all that's good and pure, Kami make it stop!" With a satisfacory smile, Kagome switched the CD player off. "If I hear "Bye, Bye, Bye" one more time, I'm gonna go bye, bye, bye," Inuyasha muttered. As the "boys" rose to their feet, Sango stepped in front of them.

"Today, you three will be cooking breakfast," she told them. All three of them grunted. "Do I look like I cook?" Sesshomaru asked her. "Now you do," Sango replied and threw an apron at her. She and Kagome sat down at the kitchen table. "I want an omlette, some toast, and bacon." Kagome said. "And I'll have some pancakes, eggs, and an orange smoothie," Sango added. "Fat asses!" Sesshomaru said without thinking. "Women are supposed to eat salads! With low fat vinagar dressing! Damn, what the hell you think you are, a man?" Even Inuyasha and Miroku stared at him this time. "What?" he asked. "_What_!" Still they stared.

"Well, that's what all the women I've dated have always ordered," he said, as if it was the most simpliest thing in the world. "Sesshomaru, I didn't know you were a lesbian!" Kagome said in a mock shocked tone. "What? How can I be if I'm a..." He looked down at himself, remembering that he'd been turned into a woman. "Hey! I got a pretty nice rack! No implants here!" With pride, she tied the apron around herself and began trying to fix breakfast.

"An orange smoothie...hmm..." Grabbing an orange out the fridge, she put it in the blender along with some ice and cream. "There! Now just press this button..." "No, Sesshomaru!" Kagome and Sango yelled at her. Still, she pressed. In a moment, the whole kitchen was covered in the contents from the blender. "I think there's supposed to be a lid to that," Inuyasha said, smearing his fingers over one of the walls and tasting it. Giving a heavy sigh, Kagome pushed a mop and a sponge into Sesshomaru's hands. "You know what to do with these," she said exasperadly. "No I don't," Sesshomaru said, pushing the mop and sponge back at her. Kagome narrowed her eyes. "Clean." "What do I look like, a maid? Human wenches like you do such tasks for me."

In a flash of anger, Kagome back handed her. Sango gasped. Inuyasha screamed. Miroku fainted. Suddenly Kagome's eyes widened as she realized what she just did. Sesshomaru stared daggers at her then let loose a wild cry, something between a screech and a howl. Grabbing the blender, she threw it against a wall. Picking a glass up from the counter, she scraped it along the kitchen wall, filling it with some of the botched smoothie mix. "You want a damn smoothie! Well here's your fucking smoothie!" She screamed and slamed the glass down in front of Kagome on the table. "Um, Sango's the one who wanted the smoothie." She mumbled.

Sesshomaru growled and set the glass with forced calmness down in front of Sango. "Um, it's missing the ice." Sesshomaru lost it. Grabbing the ice tray from the freezer, she threw whole cubs in it. "There, is that good enough for you! Oh, wait, I forgot! You wanted some eggs with that!" Reaching into the fridge, she pulled out a carton of eggs and without cracking them, she poured them into the cup. "There's your fucking eggs, ma'm! But wait! I bet you're waiting for your toast too, huh!" Pulling several pieces of bread from the bag, Sesshomaru pushed it all into the toaster and pushed down on the handle. She tried several times, but the load wouldn't go down. Losing her patience with it, Sesshomaru threw it against the wall too and put the bread in the glass containing the eggs and smoothie.

"There! I've fixed everything you asked for! Are you happy! Huh, are you fuckin' happy!" Sango just stared blankly at the cup. "Oh! I see how it is! After everything I've done for you, you're still unappreciative! Fine, I can do bad all by myself!" And with that, Sesshomaru drank (and ate) the contents of the glass. Miroku started to wake up, but after seeing what Sesshomaru was downing, she fainted again. The cup was empty within seconds and Sesshomaru looked like she'd gone back to normal, when out of nowhere, she burst into tears and ran up the stairs.

"Sesshomaru!" Sango called, but she ignored her. They all followed her (even Miroku. Finally he came to again) and noticed that she'd ran into the bathroom and had locked herself in. "Sesshomaru, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings! The smoothie was fine just the way it was!" "No it wasen't! You're just saying that! God, why does everyone have to lie to me!" Sesshomaru shrieked hysterically. Everyone looked at the door in shock. What the hell happened to the cool, calm Sesshomaru?

"Look, I got some stress relief candles," Miroku said. Realy it was just some incense sticks that he/she used while purifying places, but she figured that maybe it'd work. "I don't want any of your damn incense sticks!" came the reply from the bathroom. "Hey Sesshomaru," Kagome called. "You know what always calms me down when I'm stressed? A nice day out shopping! How about me and Sango buy you a new wardrobe, hm?" Silence came from beyond the door, then it cracked open just a little. "Really?" Kagome nodded. Sesshomaru threw the door all the way open and gave her a huge hug.

"Can we go with you?" Miroku asked hopefully. Finally a chance for her to actually go into Victoria's Secret and sniff the underware without being stared at. Or so he/she figured. Sango nodded also, and Miroku gave a slight smirk. "I don't wanna go to no damn store," Inuyasha protested. "Well, that's too damn bad!" Kagome snapped. "Part of your experience of being a girl is that you have to do girl things. Now come on, we have to get you three ready."

Sango followed Kagome into her room, the other's trailing behind, lost in their own thoughts on how a day out shopping would be. Sesshomaru figured it be a day of exchanging ideas and being able to one-up the others on apparell. Miroku was fanticizing about all the women he (but really it should be she) would meet in Victoria Secret, and Inuyasha was making a mental list of all the reasons why he really wanted to kill Kagome at the moment. If he/she figured going to the mall was going to be hell, preperations in general could be a torture on their own.

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Okay, so there's my second chapter! Finally, hallejuhah (don't know if I spelled that right, so...yeah...)! So, review and tell me what you think! 


	3. Learning to Understand the Mind and Body

You know what? I noticed a mistake in my last chapter. I put that Sango asked Sesshomaru to put ice in her smoothie, when Sesshomaru had already done that. I know, pretty weird to put such a thing here, but the chapter's already been read by people and I feel like an idiot with it being there and not explaining myself. I guess I'll have to go back and fix that and eventually wipe this little segment out. Also, this chapter is where I really exercise the fact that this is a time cross over story. Using your imagination a little bit, let's pretend that demons do exist in the twenty-first century, okay? (Boy I sound like I'm schooling kindergardners! Sorry about that.) Still, enjoy the story!

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Learning to Understand the Mind and Body

Kagome ushered the four girls into her room and instructed them to take a seat. Inuyasha and Sesshomaru immediatly began fighting for a spot on the bed, while Sango calmly took the chair at the desk. Miroku wisely just sat on the floor, not wanting to join the fray about a spot on the bed. After a few moments, it fianlly struck the brothers/sisters that there was enough room on the bed for both of them to sit and that they didn't have to be territorial about it; the bed wasen't even their's to begin with!

Kagome turned toward her closet and started discarding object after object. "No...uh-uh...ew...here we go!" She exclaimed, turning around. She held up a red shirt with shortened sleeves that said, "Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?" in bold white letters. Immediatly Sesshomaru hopped up. "Mine!" She growled to the others. No one challenged her. Kagome turned back to the closet and started rummaging again. After another few moments, she produced a pair of dark blue jeans with a glittery butterfly on the right thigh and the words "sweet thang" written on the rear. Once again, Sesshomaru was first on the scene. "I'll take that!" Miroku and Inuyasha exchanged looks, but said nothing.

Sango got up to help Kagome with the clothing. "This belt's nice--" "For me!" Sesshomaru all but screamed, snatching the gold chain belt from her. "Um, okay..." Sango said and turned back to the closet. Pulling a few shirts off of some hangers, she held them out to Miroku and Inuyasha. "Here you go--" But Sesshomaru had already snatched them up. "Hey, Sesshomaru? You don't need _all _of those shirts. Just one." Kagome tried to reason with her. Sesshomaru just regarded her with cold eyes. "Whatever," she mumbled, but didn't give up possession of the shirts.

Finally Sango pulled back out of the closet with an armfull of clothes and instead of holding them out, walked purposefully to Inuyasha and Miroku and handed them an outfit a piece. "There, try those on. Oh, wait! Hold up a sec!" She gave a conspiratorial glance at Kagome, who in turn nodded. Leading the way, Kagome headed toward her dresser. Peering in the top drawer, she moved around some things from within, then held up a black lacy bra and matching underwear. "Hm...maybe this would be best for you, Inuyasha." Inuyasha's eyes widened in horror. Fortunatly, she didn't have to say anything because Miroku took it upon herself to take up the garments. "I think I'll be needing these," she said nonchanlantly, reaching her hands toward the set.

But Kagome pulled back her hand. "No, Miroku, I don't think these will fit you. You're pretty flat all around." Miroku looked down at herself. It was true. She _was _flat chested and her behind looked like somebody had hit it with a frying pan. Tears welled up in her eyes, but she strongly held them back. A look of sympathy crossed Sango's face and she handed Miroku a training bra and matching underwear that Kagome hadn't thrown away yet. Kagome threw the other set at Inuyasha, who moved completly out of the way as if it was diseased, letting it hit the wall behind her.

Eyeing Sesshomaru, Kagome said, "I think we'll have to go to the mall and get your bra's. You're more like a C or D cup, and I don't have that size." Sesshomaru smirked. "You hear that, girls? I'm more woman than _all _of you!" Everyone rolled their eyes. "Look, go get changed," Kagome said and pushed Inuyasha out into the hall into the bathroom. After a few seconds, a crash came from beyond the door, and a low stream of cuss words could be heard from Inuyasha. Then, finally, she emerged, but most of her clothes were in disarray. The green shirt that she wore was backwards, and the bra was outside the shirt. Exclude the underwear also being on the outside of the jeans, and the pants were the only thing that were right on her.

Kagome face-palmed on sight of her. "No, no, no, Inuyasha! The bra and underwear go inside the jeans and shirt! Here," She walked into the bathroom with her and shut the door. The others could hear Inuyasha's protests from Kagome's room. "What the hell? Get the hell out! You're not supposed to be in here--" "Oh, shut up! We have the same bodies now! God, you're such a baby!" Kagome yelled back at her. After about five minutes, they both came out, Inuyasha's clothes all in the right places.

"Wow!" Sango exclaimed. "I hardly recogognize you!" Miroku didn't say anything, but Sesshomaru scowled at her sister with contempt. Miroku changed next into a baby blue jump suit. "Hm...well, I guess it fits you," Kagome said, eyeing the places where it sagged on her flat figure. Sesshomaru could harldly surpress a laugh. Grabbing a pink tube top from the bed, she sauntered into the bathroom only to return back out a moment later, dressed as if she'd been born a girl initially. Everyone's jaws dropped. The showy clothes made her look more like she was seventeen or eighteen, rather than the twenty she really was (let's just say that's how old he is in human years. I'm not sure how to convert that into demon years).

Finally finding shoes for them, Kagome grabbed up her purse, still eyeing Sesshomaru's choice of apparell skeptically. _God, if mom knew I had that shirt, she'd kill me. _"Well, I guess we're ready to go." Exiting the room, the other's followed her out. Making sure the door was locked, she led them down the many steps of her home and onto the public streets. Crossing her fingers mentally, she prayed, _please don't let them embarress me. _If only she knew what was in store for her...

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Ah, another chapter finished! I'm kind of proud of myself for having this one done so fast after the long interval between the first and second. Another thing, I know that I wrote in my first chapter that I was going to change the names of the boys-now-turned-girls, but I probably won't. I'll see about it as the story progresses. Anyways, review and tell me what you think! 


	4. Head Turners

Wow, two chapters back-to-back! I'm really on a roll, considering it usually takes _at least _a few days to have another chapter out. So, without further ado, here's another chapter for your entertainment!

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Head Turners

As the girls headed down the street, it was evident that they were drawing alot of attention. To Kagome, Sango, and Inuyasha, it was unwanted attention. Miroku, feeling self-consious about her body, thought that they were pointing and laughing at her. But Sesshomaru was soaking it all up, fliping her hair over her shoulder every five minutes. "See? They _know _I'm fine!" Kagome gave an irritated growl to herself. "Calm down, girl, calm down," Sango soothed.

After twenty minutes of walking, they arrived at the mall. Never having went to one, neither Inuyasha, Miroku, or Sesshomaru knew what to expect. The high walls, large crowds of people, and escalators were a bit overwhelming. Or at least for the former two; the latter thought she was in heaven. "Okay, so since you two have fitting bras, I'll take Sesshomaru to get some," Kagome said to Miroku and Inuyasha. "Sango, why don't you take them to get their nails done or something? I'll meet up with you later." They split directions, the group of three heading up an escalator to their left, while the demoness and Kagome headed up an escalator to their right.

Upon reaching the top floor, Kagome led Sesshomaru to the one place that the former Miroku would have killed to go to. Victoria Secret. As if she'd been born to do this, Sesshomaru took the lead and passed up Kagome. Heading straight for the bra rack, she started talking very loudly to no one in particular. "Well, since I have such large breasts, I don't know if I should get a C cup or a D cup! And check out the material! Is this silk?" Holding up a very large bra to her chest she asked, "Kagome, does this look like it fits? I might need a bigger size, this looks like it might bust if I put it on!" Kagome groaned to herself. _Why the hell does she need my approval? Miss thang evidently can shop for herself! And besides, they're not _that _damn big!_

A few more minutes of talking and Sesshomaru finally grabbed a few random sizes and colors and went to the front counter where Kagome paid for them. _Two hundred dollars on bras! What the hell do I look like, a bank? _But she held her tounge, keeping in mind that she was treating a guest. A very expensive guest. Grabbing the bag, Sesshomaru strutted from the store, once again leading the way. "Um, Sesshomaru? Where are you going? Nails are this way," Kagome said, pointing in the opposite direction in which they were heading. "To a clothing store. You don't really expect me to keep wearing _your _clothes, do you?" "And what's wrong with my clothes?" "Their _yours,_" Sesshomaru said, as if that made the most perfect sense.

Heading toward a very expensive store, the demon took her sweat time trying on out fit after outfit, continuously saying things like, "This makes my butt look too big," or "Do you think this color's too bright?" or "I think this skirt makes my calves look fat." Finally, mercifully, Sesshomaru announced she was done after half an hour. Unfortunatly, she misunderstood this "treating the guest" concept and made Kagome spend five hundred dollars on only five out fits. _Okay, now this bitch is asking for it! _she thought, doing breathing exercises to keep from speaking her mind.

After this, Kagome started walking in the direction of the nail shop, not caring what Sesshomaru thought. Surprisingly, she went along amiably. In fact, she got to the place quicker than Kagome, useing her sense of smell to locate her sister and Miroku. They found the two of them sitting in chairs, looking petrifiyed. "Do you want butterflies on your nails?" A woman asked Miroku. She looked frantically around for help, but Sango was engrossed in a magazine, and Kagome was somewhere within the depths of la-la land, looking around the shop as if she'd never been there before. Sesshomaru chose for her. "No, I don't think she should get butterflies. She's more of a--" she bent over to look at a display case of styles and said, "More of a beetle person! Look, they have litte shiny beetles you can have put on your nails! I think that would suit you _much _better!"

As for Inuyasha, he was sitting ridgid in his chair, trying his hardest to resist the person giving him a pedicure. Though silent to human ears, Inuyasha could hear the woman clicking her tounge in dissapproval. "I have never seen feet this bad before! What the hell has she been doing, grinding them against concrete? And oh, my god, the roughness! Has she ever used shoes? Check the size of these corns!" Sesshomaru smirked to herself at the woman's comments, then hopped in a free chair. Relaxing back, she let the pros handle her as if she was a regular customer.

Fifteen minutes later, all three of them were done. Miroku had her beetles(which really turned out to be lady bugs) on her finger nails, but wasen't going to say anything to Sesshomaru, simply letting the thought of her little plan to sabotage her not working be enough. Inuyasha had miraculously gotten through the foot pedicure without slashing the woman to pieces, and on both her toes and fingers, she had gold palm trees. As for the wanna-be super model, she sported the butterflies that she had on purposefully diverted Miroku from. "Fab, huh?" She gushed, showing all of them her nails. No one looked.

"So, I guess we'll just get lunch, then head on home," Kagome was saying as they were walking down to the food court, when a group of men called out, " 'Ey, yo lil mama! Come and holla at me for a sec!" The leader of the group was looking directly at Sesshomaru as he said this. Before anyone could stop her, Sesshomaru sauntered over. "Say, sweet thang, why don't you give me the digits, and let me hit you up sometime?" Sesshomaru flipped her hair over her shoulder and said, "Sorry, but you're just gonna have to get in line. You don't look special enough to put on the top of my calling list." _What the hell? What fuckin' calling list does she have? _Inuyasha seethed. _And she says _I'm _the disgrace on the family! _

Sesshomaru talked with the man for a little longer, then, suddenly, the man's hand trailed down to her butt. "Ooh! Check out what she's packin'!" he said to his friends. Immediatly Sesshomaru's poison claws struck out and made contact with the side of his face. "Don't you _ever _put your hands on me! What you need to learn while your sitting round' with your pants nearly at your ankles, is a woman's worth! Learn how to treat a lady!" And with that, Sesshomaru whipped around and rejoined the others, continuing their way to the food court.

"Awright, I see how you is!" The man called back. "You ain't nothing anyways, with your weave wearin' ass! Need to give that horse back its hair!" "Baby, this is all natural!" Sesshomaru shot over her shoulder. "You know, you were asking for that," Inuyasha said to her. "Shut the hell up. What do you know?" "I know how to not be a ho!" Sesshomaru stopped walking and starred daggers at Inuyasha. Like wise, the other sister did the same. "Oh, so I'm a ho? You know, I kept my mouth shut when you were my brother and you were going back and forth between Kagome and Kikyo, but now, looking back, that was pretty ho-ish yourself!" "Iron reaver soul stealer!" Inuyasha screamed and attacked. Sesshomaru readied her poison whip, and next thing everyone knew, they were rolling down an escallator, having another bitch fight.

"You wanna talk shit, do something!" Sesshomaru screeched as she tugged Inuyasha's hair. "Oh, you'll see what I'm gonna do!" Inuyasha screamed back, slashing wildly at the air. Finally they hit the bottom, but kept rolling around trying to get in some blows. Mall security came over and, grabbing each of them by the arm, they led them to the doors and threw them out. Outside, the two sisters forgot about their scuffle and started straightening their hair as if nothing happened. "Great! I bet they'll never forget this!" Kagome said shrilly. "You two are an embarassment, you know that? I guess it's true what they say. You can take the girl out the hood, but not the hood out the girl." "I will have you know that I was raised in the lap of royalty and am current lord of the west," Sesshomaru huffed indignatly. "Then act like it!" Kagome snapped back. The other fell silent, and they began a dismal trip back to her house.

Silently, Kagome revelled in her small victory over Sesshomaru. Maybe all she needed was a bit of agression. _Note to self. Don't take her anywhere unless it's a life or death situation. _

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So, another chapter for the books. Probably not as funny as I wanted it to be (remember that thing I said about my muse? Yeah, still looking for a replacement!). Perhaps updating so quickly isin't such a good idea for me. Once again, though, please review and tell me your own thoughts! 


	5. Killing Me Softly

See? See what I mean? I say I'm going to update soon, and what happens? I take forever in a life time. Who knows, by the next chapter come out, if I take forever again, even a full-demon like Sesshomaru might have passed on to the nether world! Inutaisho, here he comes! Okay, ignore this...and instead pay attention to this chapter that I've written for your (and mine!) reading and laughing pleasure!

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Killing Me Softly

Though everyone was mostly silent on the trip back home, Inuyasha finally spoke up as they passed a resturant. "You said we were going to eat lunch back at that "mall" or whatever," She said to Kagome. "Why don't we eat here instead?" Inuyasha stopped walking outside the building. Kagome looked up at the place that she had chosen to eat at. "McDonald's?" She glanced uncertainly at Sesshomaru. "This place looks like all it's food is saturated with fat. Can't we choose somewhere else?"

Sango lost her patience this time. "Look, if _you _don't want to eat here, fine! But I'm not about to give up a cheap lunch just because "miss little princess" doen't want hamburgers and fries. If cholesterol is that damn important to you, eat a freakin' fruit and walnut salad!" She walked away before she could see Sesshomaru's half-attempt swipe at her with her claws. Miroku simply shrugged her shoulders at Sesshomaru and followed the others inside McDonalds.

Inuyasha was the first one up to the counter. "Give me one of everything you got," She said. The man behind the counter looked at her like she'd lost her mind. "Um, Inuyasha? Let me order." Kagome pointed to an empty seat with enough space around the table for everyone. But instead of sitting down, Inuyasha said "Look, just give me about seventeen of those things on that picture outside, okay? Oh, and make them all supersized." Kagome forcefully grabbed her around the shoulders and pushed her toward the table. "Sit." Immediatly Inuyasha hit the floor, face down. "Oops, sorry." "It's okay," Inuyasha mumbled from five feet below.

Miroku and Sesshomaru took a seat at the table, Miroku simply crossing her feet neatly beneath the seat, while Sesshomaru crossed hers, once again flipping her hair, not noticing when the long strands hit Miroku and Inuyasha (who had finally gotten into a chair) in the face. After a few minutes, Kagome and Sango came to the table with trays of food. "Here, Inuyasha. I got you _one _of the things on that poster outside. And it's called a Big Mac." She set the tray down in front of Inuyasha, but she/he snorted in disgust. "That's it? Psht! I can eat more than _this!_" And with that, she grabbed everyone else's burgers off their plates, minus Sesshomaru, who had gotten a fruit and walnut salad.

Engrossed with her meal, Kagome didn't notice when Houjo walked in. "Kagome! Hey, Kagome! KAGOME!" He hollered at the top of his lungs, trying to get her attention. Kagome, though, was trying to ignore him. It was enough dealing with his wack remedies at school. But in public too? He was asking for this. Though the resturant was full, some how he still managed to get his way over to their table. "Kagome! Didn't you hear me calling you?" "No, I didn't, sorry. I must have been very tuned into this _very _interesting magazine here, and not wanting to be disturbed!" Houjo looked down at her "magazine". "Kagome, that's just the paper on the bottom of the tray. So they love to see you smile, big deal. But I have something for your alzeheimers! My grandmother said that if you put this on your forehead every day, in about a week, you'll start remember ing things better!"

Kagome looked into the bag that he handed her. "Um...gee, how can I put this lightly? Uh...this smells like shit." Miroku immediately started gagging on her food. Sango and Sesshomaru spluttered. Somewhere in a corner of the resturant, a baby started crying, a woman screamed, a man gasped, a dog whinned, and Inuyasha kept on eating. Houjo simply smiled that ever present smile of his and said, "That's cause it is shit! Ox manure serves as a very vital cure for many ailments!" Kagome's face went pale. "Well, um, tell your grandmother--" Inuyasha interrupted her. "It's okay, Kagome! Tell him how you really feel about his grandmother's "remedies". Tell them _they're _full of shit!" "Um, what Inuyasha said," Kagome rushed out, then went back to examining the paper on the tray.

Houjo stared at her. "So, you think my grandmother's full of shit?" "Yep! You heard the girl!" Inuyasha said. "I-It's okay. I understand." Houjo took his bag back, then turned to leave. "Now, now honey. Why don't you give up on this miner here, and move on to a _real _woman," Sesshomaru said to him, stepping in his way. Due to height, Houjo's face came right up to her chest. To add empahsis to her point, she puffed her chest out more, pressing into Houjo's face, then shook them back and forth. "Kagome dosen't have what it takes to satisfy a man. But I do," and Sesshomaru shook herself even more, then suddenly stopped. "Tell me, boy. Do I make you..._horney_?"

Houjo gulped, then wiped his brow. "Gee, ma'm. I'm still a virgin--" Sesshomau chuckled, then bent down and said in a loud whisper, "We can change all that." Sango cut in. "Alright, that's enough! Sesshomaru, the point is to learn to respect women, not give them a bad name." Sesshomaru glared at her. "What do you know? If you really gave a damn about women getting respect, you would've left that damn monk ages ago and found you a man who could buy you some things, instead of putting up with all his bull!" During her rant, Houjo slipped away toward the door, but not before leaving his address and phone number on a piece of paper. As soon as Sesshomaru stopped speaking, a piece of the old Miroku felt crushed at her words and got up and ran off to the bathroom.

Sango blinked at the demoness. "You know what? Until you get a _real _man, don't tell me what to do with my life, okay? I'll do things the way I want to do them, and when I want to do them. I don't need anyone--" A loud scream from the bathrooms cut her off. Loud catcalls followed by a scream emitted from one of the restrooms, and then a crowd of men rushed out. A red faced Miroku followed afterwards. Sango and Kagome face-palmed. "Let me guess. You went in the men's room."

Sesshomaru almost fell off her chair laughing. "Ha! It's probably too hard for her to tell the difference of being a man from a woman. She's so flat, she might as well be a boy!" At her cold words, Miroku burst into tears and ran out the resturant, Sango and Kagome following after her, Inuyasha wasn't far behind them, holding as many hamburgers as she could carry.

The walk back was anything but quiet. Between Kagome's chewing of Sesshomaru, Sango's attempts to cheer up Miroku, and Inuyasha's smaking her lips every time she took a bite of food, it seemed more like some kind of off-beat parade was heading home. As soon as they got back inside, Miroku rummaged in the cabinets and produced a bag of Cheese-It and began grubbing.

"Miroku, there's other ways of dealing with this than food." Sango said gently, trying to pry Miroku's tightly wrapped fingers from around the box. "No, go ahead, flat-ass! Eat up! Maybe then you'll grow something worth looking at!" Sesshomaru cackled. Miroku gave a morose cry, threw the box of Cheese-It down on the floor, then ran up stairs, just as Sesshomaru had done that morning. With a glare from the two best friends at her, they ran upstairs after Miroku.

"Why do you do it?" Inuyasha asked her sister. "What are you getting out of it?" Sesshomaru paused for a moment, not knowing quite how to respond. Then she huffed indignatly. "What do you know?" Under her breath she muttered, "Stupid half-breed." But really she didn't know why she was messing with Miroku, except that something inside told her to do it. She huffed again and walked out to the backyard to soak up the sun.

Inuyasha just shrugged and picked up the discarded box of Cheese-It and added it to the very large pile of hamburgers. "It's a good thing that I don't gain really when I eat. Or...is that because I'm always fighting?" Not really wanting to think about the answer (though a little voice at the back of her head said it was the latter reason why she never gained anything), she turned on the TV very loudly and focused instead on blocking out the voices of the three upstairs. _Damn, I can't wait till I'm a guy again. This is getting too complicated. _

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So, there you have it. My next award winning chapter! Yes, this is the best chapter in the world! Ha ha ha! There's nothing you can do to stop my reign of great writing, nothing! Mwa-ha-ha-ha! I'd like to see you people try! Go ahead, try! I dare you! No, I **_triple _**dog dare you! Okay let me stop before I lose a fan! But on the serious tip, I hope that you did like this chapter. If you want (I'm not forcing anybody!) write and tell me what you think. (I really gotta get a hold on myself!) Oh, once again, while I'm at it, I owe credit to the Fugees, because the title comes from part of one of their songs called _Killing Me Softly With His Words. _


	6. Growing Pains

You know what? This is getting riddiculous. Infact, I'm not even going to put an excuse for my lack of updating consistency. So, I'll simply let you get on with the chapter. Oh, and thank you everyone who gave me name suggestions! I greatly appreciat it. But I have decided not to change their names. I kind of have a reason why, which I'll reaveal later. Enjoy at your own peril!

**Growing Pains**

Kagome handed another tissue to Miroku, her fifteenth one. For some reason, the former monk couldn't stop crying. Though Sango had said that she still wanted the old him, the new her still found what Sesshomaru said surprisingly hurtful. It was true. As a male, Miroku had went out of his way to get what he wanted without any regards as to Sango's feelings. A good rump-rub was always the cure for everything. But now, looking back and in the eyes of a woman, his actions were unjustifiable and this thought alone kept her crying.

"God, you promised that you'd never flood the earth again. But Miroku will!" Inuyasha called out on his way to the bathroom. Sango and Kagome threw a nasty look towards the door. Miroku simply hiccuped. The girls went back to trying to comfort their new found "sister" but the tender moment was inturrupted by a hysteric shriek. All three ran out into the hall to see what had happened.

"HOLY SHIT, I'M DYING!" Inuyasha screamed and ran out of the bathroom with his/her pants pulled down to her ankles. "What! What is it?" Kagome asked him. Inuyasha grabbed her arm and led her back into the bathroom. Pointing to the toilet, she said, "I've spontaneously started to bleed! I can't make it stop!" The other two joined them and surveyed the area. In the trashcan were about twenty wads of soiled toilet paper, all Inuyasha's doing.

Hurridly, she grabbed a new roll of toilet paper and started unraveling it around her fingers. Quickly she shoved it between her legs, then pulled it out again. "Oh shit! It's still going! I don't wanna die!" Sango was trying her hardest not to laugh, as was Miroku. Kagome on the other hand, stared at her former crush in astonishment.

"Look Inuyasha, this happens to women every 28 days, I believe--" "You mean every month you nearly die!" he cut her off. She shook her head. "No, it's a natural thing. It only lasts for about four or five days--" "Oh God! I'm gonna be shriveled up by then!" And without hearing Kagome out, she dashed downstairs, still half naked and screaming, "I don't wanna die! I'm still too young!"

Sesshomaru was enjoying her sun bathing out on the back patio. She had finally figured out how to work Kagome's stereo system (in her opinion, the damn thing had too many buttons) when her brother-turned-sister came running up to her. "Sesshomaru! You've gotta help me! I keep bleeding and I can't stop! Oh, no! I think I'm feeling faint! Don't go towards the light, Inuyasha, don't go towards the light!"

Sesshomaru stared at her like she'd lost her damn mind. "So, the little cretin is having her first period," She said in her familar drawl. "Good. Die." And with that, she went back to reading her _Vouge! _magazine. "Sesshomaru!" Inuyasha whined. "Help me! I know you don't love me, but--" "That's just it. I _don't _love you. Now leave. You're blocking my sunlight. And for Christ sake, pull your pants up! You look like a murder scene."

Sango and Kagome caught up to Inuyasha in the back yard. Both of them grabbing a hand, they dragged her back to the bathroom (which Kagome had grudingly cleaned) and explained her current situation. The converstation, in Kagome's mind, didn't go half bad. Inuyasha actually listened to her instructions (explaining her options between pads and tampons) and only once again screamed that she was going to die.

"How do you put up with it? So this has happened to both of you since you were twelve?" Inuyasha asked them incredulously. They nodded solemly. The other simply shook her head in amazement. "Just why I have to become a guy again. I don't think I could take much more of this!" he/she mumbled. After showing her where everything was kept, Inuyasha gratefully tore out of there. The bathroom was now only a place that she would enter only when completly necessary; to her, the place was taboo.

"Lucky bastards," Sango said to Kagome on their way back to her room. "Why don't guys have periods? It's not fair!" "Guys can't have kids," Kagome sighed. "But at least we have three right here who now know what we go through," she said in a lighter tone. Sango snorted. "Inuyasha's repulsed that we have a "time of the month" and Sesshomaru's too absorbed with her perfect rack to see the things women _really _go through. Miroku is about the only one who's taking this experience seriously. Mostly."

They walked into Kagome's room and found Miroku examining a jar of Vaseline a little _too _intently. "Hmm," he/she muttered. She turned toward the other two. "Kagome, what do _you _use this for?" "Well, what does it say on the back?" Kagome huffed. She didn't relish what Miroku was getting at. Miroku read the back label, then looked at her again. "So, what do _you _use it for?" She asked again. Finally realization dawned on Sango's face. "Oh, Miroku! That's disgusting!" She grabbed her by her arm and all but threw her out the room. Slaming the door, she looked at Kagome and shook her head. Then realizing something else, she opened the door again and snatched the jar of Vaseline out Miroku's hands, who was still standing there in shock.

About an hour later, Sesshomaru entered the house, not tanned, but sunburned. "Why the hell is the sun so fucking bright?" She grumbled. She was about to sit down on the couch, but it hurt too much. Inuyasha smirked at her misfortune "Aww, little Sesshy catching hell moving around? Bet you wished you hadn't stayed out there so damn long, huh?" Reaching over, she poked Sesshomru in he stomach. "Bitch!" she hissed and swiped at her with her claws, but that just caused more pain.

Through out the rest of the day, Inuyasha kept touching Sesshomaru's burns, enjoying the fact that there wasen't much she could do about it. "Here, Sesshomaru." Kagome tryed to put some cocoa butter on her, but Sesshomaru growled and slashed at her too. "Don't touch me, human wench! How dare you think you're worthy enough to touch me!" "Fine!" Kagome snapped. "If you think you're so high and mighty as to not accept help when you _know _you need it, fine then! Ooh, I can't stand you're arrogant ass!" And with that, she slamed down the jar and sat down on the couch.

Sesshomaru tryed to bend down and reach to jar, but it hurt too much. He looked around the room at the crowd of spectators. "What the fuck ya'll lookin' at?" She spat. They all just smirked. Sesshomaru tried to reach for the jar again, but ended up kicking it under a chair. She let out a frustrated groan. "Inuyasha? Be a dear and hand me the cocoa butter." Inuyasha raised an eyebrow at her. "Not too long ago, I needed your help and what did you tell me? 'Get out of my sunlight'. You got what you had coming to you."

Sesshomaru growled at her. "Inuyasha," She said in a deadly quiet voice, sounding very like the old Sesshomaru. "Get me the jar. Now." Her sister snorted. "No." An explosion of anger flashed across the demoness' face, then just as quickly, she controlled it. "Please." The room fell silent. "Oh...my...god!" Miroku finally spoke up. "Did anyone else hear that, or am I just imagining it? Did the Great Sesshomaru _actually _say _please_!"

Inuyasha gave a huge sigh. "Well...since you said it so nicely, I guess I'll just..." She made like she was going to get the jar, but sat back down again. "No." She wanted to see her beg some more. This was just too good to miss out on the opportunity. "Please great sister of mine, could you get the jar for me." Sesshomaru said in a sarcastic tone. "Hmm, gee, sounding like that, I wouldn't get you a sandwich made from my own crap." Finally, the other gave a huge sigh and said in a voice as if it would cost her to say it,"I'm sorry. I was wrong about what I said earlier. Please get me the jar of coacoa butter because I am in great pain."

Despite herself, Inuyasha gave a huge smile. "That will do." She reached under the chair and got the jar and handed it to her. Then, too caught up in the moment, she hugged her. "OUCH! INUYASHA, LET ME THE FUCK GO!" Sesshomaru screamed. Inuyasha quickly did as she said, and even helped her apply the salve. "There, don't you feel better?" she asked her. Sesshomaru had to admit, the stuff was fast-acting. "Yes, my burns feel better already." Inuyasha frowned. "I wasn't talking about the coacoa butter, I was talking about you admitting that you needed help." Sesshomaru turned her back on her. "Don't get used to it. I do what I have to do to get the job done."

But Inuyasha smiled again. _Who are you trying to kid, sis? I know you better than that. You _could _have gotten the jar on your own and bared the pain of doing it. But you actually wanted me to help you. Or maybe I'm just looking too deep into this. _With a large sigh, she settled down on the couch with the others (even Sesshomaru who could sit now) to once again become absorbed with the "idiot box."

Ah, after what must have seemed like a life time, I fianlly have updated! So, review and tell me how you liked (or didn't like) it!


	7. Unexpected Surprises

Okay, before anybody reads this and finds it a total waste of their time, let me say something first. Yes, this chapter is probably very pointless, I just didn't want to wait to long before putting _something, _even if that something is a senseless drabble having to do with nothing in particular. This chapter probably has nothing to do with the actually story its self and can be skipped. Just something if you're looking for a few laughs. And it's a bit long, sorry about that. Okay, now that you've been warned, no flames! Read and enjoy!

**Unexpected Surprises**

The next morning dawned a new day, and Miroku could feel it was going to be a good one. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and she could smell...something burning downstairs. Upon opening her door, she found that tracing the smell wasn't going to be a problem; a coloumn of smoke led to the scene of the crime. Following it, Miroku found that it was coming from the kitchen. _Please don't tell me Sesshomaru decided to take another stab at cooking. _Covering her mouth agains the fumes, she pushed open the door.

Jaken was standing on a chair in front of the stove, a blackened frying pan in one hand, a frayed oven mit in the other. The pink flowered apron he wore had a large burnt hole in the center. "Jaken, what the hell are you doing!" "Don't bother me, can't you see I'm busy?" the imp snapped. Reaching over beside him, he tryed to grab a spatchula, but the chiar tipped and instead he ended up falling onto one of the burners. With a loud yelp, he landed on te floor and began running in a circle around the kitchen table, trying to put out his flaming pants.

"Stop, drop and roll, dumbass! Stop, drop, and roll! Man, don't you remember that from grade school?" Miroku asked. "I never went to school!" Jaken screamed back at him. Sighing, Miroku stuck out her foot and tripped him, causing him to stop, drop, and coincidentally, start rolling on the floor.

After the fire was out, Jaken stood up and brushed himself off as though nothing had happened. "See? There. Told you I didn't need the help of a pathetic human." Suddenly, the oven gave a loud explosion and its contents came flying across the room. Whatever it was was moving. After taking a closer look, Miroku gasped, face-palmed, then glared a the imp.

"Jaken, you're supposed to kill the chicken before you cook it! What the hell were you thining?" The other crossed his arms and turned his head. "Lord Sesshomaru likes it like that." "Oh, what, he likes chicken heads?" Looking back at the roasted poultry, the bird had slowly made it to the door. Giving a final, dusty squak, it collapsed.

the kitchen door burst open, slaming the poor creature against the wall; if it wasn't dead before, it was now. Four times it was crushed as Kagome, Sango, Inuyasha, and Sesshomaru entered. "What the fuck happened!" Kagome said in disbelief, looking at the mess. "Well, you see, I--" "I don't wanna hear it! Get this shit cleaned up!" Kagome cut Jaken off. With that, she stormed out the kitchen (slaming the chicken once again in the process). Sango gave an agreeable nod and followed her.

"So, what _were _you doing?" Inuyasha asked the toad. "I was cooking breakfast for my Lord," Jaken said proudly. Sesshomaru let her eyes roam around the room, surveying the damage. Finally her eyes rested on te chicken. Going over to it, she gave the birds charred feathers a large lick. "Yep, just the way I like it. Thouroughly roasted."

Inuyasha and Miroku made sour faces; Jaken beamed. "Sesshomaru, quick! Get the Tetseiga and try to bring it back to life!" Miroku managed to say. Sesshomaru just gave her a long look. "No, I don't think I will." Opening her mouth to take a bite, the human snatched it from her and threw it back near the door. "Now, all of you, clear the area so I can suck up all this...stuff."

Turning her back to them, she could hear them leaving. But there was a quiet sliding sound coming from near the door. "Leave it!" Miroku barked and Sesshomaru dropped the chicken and left. Giving a sigh, Miroku picked the carcass up and left out a side door. Going over to the large tree in Kagome's yard, he buried it at the base and said a quick prayer. _What am I doing? Reduced down to praying for chickens! What kind of heaven is there for a chicken anyways?_ Going back in the house, she didn't notice when the mound gave a shudder.

"Okay, now time for this!" Pulling back the cloth that covered her wind tunnel, Miroku unleashed the strong winds onto the kitchen. In a few seconds, the room was pretty spotless. "There! Now if Kagome dosen't notice that she's minus a fridge, a micorwave, four chairs and a kitchen sink, we'll be okay!"

Going back upstairs to get dressed, Miroku could hear an argument in the bathroom. "Sesshomaru, quit hogging the mirror!" Inuyasha screamed. "I need it to look at this perfect face!" Sesshomaru said in her calm voice. "It's not gonna be perfect when I get through with it if you don't move!" Silence followed afterward, then a loud thump. "Ouch! What'd you do that for?" "Move aside, Inuyasha. You're ruining my reflection."

The bathroom door opened and Inuyasha was roughly shoved outside into the hall. "What about the Kodak moment we had yesterday? Didn't that mean anything?" The door slammed in her face in response. "Why do you hate me so much!" Inuyasha screamed, then stormed back to her room. _PMSing for real,_ Miroku thought, then stopped. "I'm flat. What am I talking about?" Looking down at her chest, she gave a huge sigh and continued on her way.

Later that day, Sesshomaru followed Jaken back to the Western castle. "So far, everything is in order, my lord. I've tooken care of everything. But, may I ask? What happened to you?" Sesshomaru didn't answer verbally. Instead, she picked up a handful of rocks and started throwing them at him. _Ah, it's good to have Lord Sesshomaru back.But what will the other lords think? _He recieved his answer soon enough.

"Well, well, well! Who is this sexy lil mama here?" Lord Naraku of the Northern lands said, sidling up to Sesshomaru. Sesshomaru played her part well, and began blushing. "Oh, stop it!" Naraku pressed on. "So, what's a sexy thing like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?" Sesshomaru's smile remained, but it was strained. "Um...what?" Naraku slapped himself in the head. "No, no, no. I'm sorry, that came out all wrong. What I ment to say it," he flipped open a little pocket book and read something from it. "Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package." Sesshomaru stopped smiling all together.

"What in the name of hell are you doing, Naraku?" "Well, you know, I--" He stopped mid-sentence. "Sesshomaru? Holy shit!" He gagged, then started spluttering. _I'm hitting on my rival! What the hell is wrong with me? Am I that desperate now that Kikyou has left me! _Sesshomaru continued walking, leaving Naraku choking and spluttering in the street at his own stupidity.

After another few minutes of walking, they made it to the castle. "Lord Ses...sho...ma...ru..." Rin said, running toward her, but slowing down when she noticed that Sesshomaru had changed. "It's still me, Rin. I've just had some...surgery!" "A sex change?" Rin asked. She wasn't so little as to not know about such things. "Um...yeah, something like that." Walking past her, Sesshomaru headed up to her room.

Upon entering, she hardly recognized the place for hers, considering that it was the male Sesshomaru's stuff that was in it. The posters of half naked women disgusted her now. "Beyonce! She really isn't all that! And who the hell is this? J-Lo? Oh, hell no!" Grabbing the posters, she ripped all of them from the wall. Afterwards, she went to the closet, but as soon as she opened the door, something fell out. "A penis pump? What kind of freak was I!" She cautiously picked it up and threw it in the room waste basket, then left. A moment later, she came back and slide the device under the bed. "Never know when you're gonna need it."

Taking care of the few necessities that needed to be handled, late that afternoon, Sesshomaru headed back to Kagome's house, Jaken and Rin in tow. Strangely, no one noticed that she was gone. But she didn't mind. She had done a little research about how to transform back, a secret she was going to keep to herself. Trying to slip back up to her room, Kagome called out from the living room, "Sesshomaru, order dinner!" Grumbling, she went over to the phone. Her master plan would have to wait.

Okay, so probably a bit long, and maybe not as funny as I'd like (my brain is sizzled of ideas at the moment, though Sesshomaru's "master plan" may come into effect later.) Hope I didn't bore you to death with this, like I said, it's more of a drabble rather than a chapter for the story. Anyways, if you got this far, tell me what you think!


	8. Break it Down For the Idiot

So, here I am, back with another chapter. Sorry my updating is so far apart. Between my muse _still _not working and school, my writing time has been a bit limited. The only time I can update is probaly on the weekends (unfortunataly!). Anyways, sit back, relax, and enjoy this new chapter that I'm presenting to you...now!

**Break it Down For the Idiot**

Pissed at Kagome's request to order food, Sesshomaru picked up the phone book and dialed the first restaurant number she saw. She ended up dialing for Chinese. "Hello? Yeah, I'd like about seventeen of everything on the menu. Okay? Thank you, bye." That finished, she headed to Kagome's room to use her computer.

Logging onto Google, she then pecked at the keys until she had typed in "boys to women" then hit enter. A whole bunch of things came up about sex changes. _Damn, maybe Rin was right. I basically did have a sex change, minus the surgery. _She went back to the top of the screen and typed in "black magic". Instead, about five million entries about tarot cards and phscics poped up. So much for knowing what she was doing.

She had figured that finding out what had happened to her, her now sister, and Miroku was going to be easy. The book she had brought back from her own personal library seemed to say so. She just wanted to look up on the internet for more information. Signing off the net, Sesshomaru headed toward her room.

She wasn't expecting Rin to be hovering in there with Jaken. "Lord Sesshomaru, what's this?" the girl asked, picking up one of Sesshomaru's discarded bras. Jaken yelped and shuddered, jumping back from the lacy clothing. "It's...nothing Rin. Don't worry about it." _You know what a sex change is but you don't know what a bra is. How's that? _Grabbing it from her, she ushered the two out.

Once she was alone, she bagan pondering her choices. One, she could hunt down the woman who did this to them. Two, she could stay like this and hope the spell wore out. Three, he could have surgery. _I like number one. Killing the bitch would be nice. But number three dosen't sound too bad either..._ She was interrupted by a crashing from the hall. "What the hell! Get the hell off me! Shoo fly don't bother me!"

Sesshomaru went into the hall to see Inuyasha trying to pry a very determined looking Rin off her legs. "Lord Sesshomaru! Inuyasha won't play dolls with me!" "You've gotta be joking!" Inuyasha screamed. "I'm a guy, I don't play with dolls!" "Are you?" Sesshomaru said, raising an eyebrow. Inuyasha snarled and was about to claw Rin off, when Jaken stopped him.

"Don't you dare hurt her! Lord Sesshomaru will be furious if you do! I'll use the Staff of Two Heads if I have to!" Everyone looked at him. "Jaken, you broke the Staff of Two Heads, remember?" Sesshomaru reminded him.

_Flashback..._

"Who want's to play limbo?" a drunken Jaken called out to a large crowd who had assembled in the castle during one of Sesshomaru's frequent dissapearances. The crowd erupted with cheers. Jaken won all the rounds due to his small size, until the staff was very close to the floor. By then, he was so drunk, that instead of trying to go under it, he stepped over it, but tripped and fell. He landed on the staff, breaking it. You'd think he'd be mad, but no, not a drunk Jaken. Instead, he handed the two pieces to two beautiful women. "Here you are, ladies. A little piece of me to remember the Jakmyster by." The women cooed and rubbed his bald head as if he was a god. Or maybe he was just imagining that part, he was too drunk to clearly remember.

_End of flashback..._

Sesshomaru reached up and swiped away the foggy cloud of memory that had formed above Jaken. "So you see, your threats against Inuyasha are pointless. You couldn't do anything, even when you had the staff." With that, she turned around and went back to her room. Inuyasha fell down the steps trying to get Rin off, and Jaken headed to the kitchen to down a hidden bottle of sake Kagome's grandpa had.

Later that evening, as everyone was sitting around the new kitchen table that Kagome had to replace due to Miroku's carelessness, they passed around the food Sesshomaru ordered.

"What the fuck is this?" Inuyasha said, poking something slimey. "Raw squid." Sesshomaru answered. Everyone stopped chewing. "I'm sorry, come again? I don't think I heard you right. Did you just say that we're eating raw squid?" "Mm-hm" Sesshomaru said. "Sesshomaru, what the fuck is wrong with you! Are you trying to kill us all?" Inuyasha screeched. "Trying but it dosen't seem to be working."

Everyone spit out their food right on the table. "Look, I know you don't like us, but was this necessary?" Kagome said, trying to keep her voice under control. Sesshomaru threw down her chop sticks and glared at her. "You and Sango think this is all a game, don't you? I _don't like _being a woman! The thought that I have a uterus disgusts me! The fact that my now turned sister has a period scares me! I have more boobs than everyone in here combined, and I wasn't even born a girl! I'm tired of the mood swings and the tight leather jeans that make it impossible to walk, and having to make sure my hair is straight and wear those constricting bras! I miss not having to wear underwear! I'm sick of this!"

The room fell silent. Miroku gave a quiet whistle. _And I thought I had problems! _Kagome put her hands on her hips. "You mean to tell me you don't know why you're now like this? I thought that I had told you, but evidently all you could think about at that time was your perfect rack! Let me put this in perfect english so you'll understand. You need to learn to respect women. Ordering them a salad at the Olive Garden because you just figure that that's what they want because they're trying to cut calories isn't respect.

"Respect is asking about how another woman's day was and honestly being concerned for how it went. Respect is not calling women bitches and ho's even if it's your own sister. Respect is not making fun of someone just because they weren't blessed with the same things you have. And this isn't just for women, but for everybody! You act like you have it so hard, but I have to go through these things _every day_! I hate it too! But until a little unity happens, I have to endure being called a bitch, a ho, and everything else man can think of to call a woman!"

"Preach on, sister Kagome, preach on!" Sango encouraged. Kagome did just that. "The only way for you three to get turned back into men is to show a little humility toward the female race. Is that so hard? Calling me miss instead of "hey ho?" Or asking what I think of philosophy rather than trying to get inside my pants?"

Sesshomaru frowned at her. "That's boring. Nobody cares if you like watching _City of Angels _or _Gone With the Wind._" Kagome growled in frustration. "See? That's exactly what I'm talking about. At this rate, the only way _you're _going to get changed back is on an operating table." And with that, she and Sango stormed out the kitchen for the second time that day.

"Damn, Sesshomaru! You were catching a chewing, weren't you?" Inuyasha said. Sesshomaru shrugged her off and went back to eating the raw squid. She didn't want to admit it, but if Kagome's words were true, then she would have a lot of work to do.

So, there's my next chapter! I bit serious, but I figured I needed it to be that way to get my point across. Now that you've read it, tell me what you think!


	9. Patience is a Virtue

Okay, so another week has gone by and here I am with my latest installment. You know, I got a review and the person said that they thought my characters were too out of character. Though I told them that I wasn't offended (cause I'm not! I'm open to all opionions!) that was just the way I wrote. But I'm starting to wonder if perhaps they were right. I figured having everyone act differently would be something new and different from the show, but does anyone think that perhaps I went too far? Just wondering. So, here you go, my next chapter! Read it, live it, love it!

**Patience Is a Virtue. **

**Just Not One of Sesshomaru's**

_Respect women! Ha! I have been respecting women all my life. My father raised me to be a man's man. Ooh, I don't feel right even thinking that. But I have never disrespected a woman. Except for the time I called Kagome a whore for wearing her skirt so short. And the time I called Sango a wench for calling me conceited. And the time, no, times, I called Inuyasha a bitch. And the time I...Oh no! _Sesshomaru put her head in her hands. She was on her bed, back in her room, thinking over what Kagome told her, once again. Everyone else had already laid down for the night, leaving her awake alone.

_So, I have to be nice, eh? It all sounds like what Father told me to do when I was little and I wanted Santa Clause to come. Of course that was before Myoga told me Santa dosen't deliver toys to demons. And I believed him! Though strangely enough, I didn't get anything that year except for a hunk of some kind of volcanic rock. _"Damn it all!" She said out loud. "This Sesshomaru bows down to no humans! I will not be persuaded by mere mortals! I will do as I please! I will treat anyone and everyone how I feel like! I will--" "Shut the hell up, damn!" Inuyasha screamed from her room. "Oops, sorry" Sesshomaru whispered.

Turning off her bedside lamp, she climbed under the covers. _I'll try to do as the human wenches, I mean, humans say. I'll try this "respect" thing out. Pssht! Like I really want to hear how Miroku's day went! _She fell asleep dreaming of boring meetings full of women who talked about nothing more than what kind of panty liner is the best.

Inuyasha woke up first the next morning. Creeping downstairs, she headed for the living room. The first thing that seemed interesting to her was a new report about some anniversary of a hurricane that struck a year ago in the west. After about five minutes of watching this, they started replaying footage. Inuyasha changed the channel to a soap opera.

"Johnathan, how could you do this to me? I loved you! You said you wanted to marry me!" "Kathy, I'm sorry, okay? What more do you want from me?" "I want the truth!" "You can't handle the truth!" _Whoa! This is good! _Inuyasha thought. "I had an affair with Sabrina," Johnathan continued on the TV. "You what?" Kathy walked quickly over to the man and slapped him. "Sabrina's my best friend! How could you do this to us!" By the time the others had awoken twenty minutes later, Inuyasha was sitting on the sofa and grinning like a cheshire cat.

Kagome looked first at the screen, then at the half-demon, then back at the screen, and finally looking over at Sango and Miroku. All three shrugged in union and then settled down beside Inuyasha, becoming absorbed in the program. Sesshomaru joined them a moment later, tying a bath towel around her head from her shower. _Remember, respect. Just be nice. _She did a couple of breathing exercises, poped a tic-tac in her mouth, then plastered the biggest, fakest smile she could manage on her face. She strode over and stopped in front of Kagome.

"Hi! How's your day been?" Kagome glanced at her. "It's only eight in the morning and I just got up. What the hell do you mean?" Sesshomaru gritted her teeth, but kept the forced smile up. "Oh, nothing! I was just wondering, you know! Say, how about we get together and do some of that good old-fashioned yoga that you women, I mean, _we women_, seem to be into these days!" Kagome gave her a long look this time. "Yoga? How old do you think I am?" "Forty-seven," Sesshomaru muttered to herself through her huge smile. Kagome didn't seem to notice.

"Well, then how about we go shopping? There was a nice Prada bag in the mall I was just dying to buy!" Kagome shot him a double take. "I mean for you! I wanted to buy the bag for you! Happy birthday, he, he!" "My birthday was four months ago. And besides, you maxed out my credit card," the other girl said dryly, turning her attention now to Oprah. Still, Sesshomaru's Barbie smile remained. Finally through a very stressed mouth she said, "Then let's go to a day spa! I heard that they give you complementary chocolate!"

"Chocolate makes my face break out," Kagome responded dully. Sesshomaru dropped the plastic smile. "Damn it, Kagome! You said that I needed to show respect, and I am! But everytime I suggest something, you always have to oppose it! How the hell am I suposed to be respectful if you don't want to cooperate with me?" Kagome looked at her with a bored expression. "Sesshomaru, offering to take me to a spa isn't respect. Just treat me like you would...your father. Yeah! You respect him, so just treat me like that."

Sesshomaru walked up to her and pushed her off her seat, sitting down in it once she hit the floor. "What the hell was that?" Kagome yelled. "Respect. That's the most curtesy my father would get from me. Oh, and if you want breakfast, go out into the wild and catch it." She nestled into the spot, getting comfy. "Damn, you got a warm ass! I could hire you on as my seat warmer."

Seething, Kagome went upstairs and fetched a small bag of something. Coming back down, she threw a handful of the contents on Miroku and Inuyasha, then chanted something under her breath. A familar flash filled the room. Moments later, there sat the normal monk and half-demon. Sesshomaru's jaw dropped.

"What the hell is this? You change them back, but not me? Miroku had more issues than I did!" Kagome crossed her arms. "Miroku took this whole experience well, as did Inuyasha." She looked over at him, who was now dancing around the room saying some kind of prayer and thanking God for not having a period any more. Miroku, on the other hand, was eyeing Sango.

"How about this, Sesshomaru. If you can pass three tests, then I will change you back. These tests will challenge you both mentally and physically. Are you ready?" The demoness eyed the miko. "Why the hell do you sound like _Fear Factor_? Yes I'll do your stupid tests, if that's what I have to do to--" She stopped, feeling something rubbing her behind. Miroku. She slapped him. "You pervertous, lecherous monk! See! How come he gets to say a man?"

Sango smiled at her. "Better you than me," she said. "Besides, I think I have the ultimate weapon to keep Miroku in line now. He was miserable as a woman because he felt inadequate. I don't think he wants to go back to that, now does he?" Miroku shook his head vigoriously, then moved his hand away from Sesshomaru's behind.

"We'll start your testing this afternoon," Kagome finished. "Till then, be quiet! I'm trying to watch Oprah!" Sesshomaru stomped off grumbling, "Stupid Oprah! Wait till I buy the studio! Get rid of her, and you'll loose the biggest woman influencer in the world! Life would become unstable without her!" She sat sulkining in the back yard until she noticed her discarded issue of _Vouge!_ Almost without control of herself, she picked it up and began reading.

For some reason, I found this to be one of my hardest chapters to write! Wow, my brainstorming for this story is being over taken by the need to concentrate on other things like linear equations and de Vaca (who the hell is he?) and phrases like "Como se llama?" (which means "what is his/her name?" in spanish. But you pronounce the "se" like "say" and the "llama" like "mama" with a "y" in front of it. Listen to that Shakira song and you'll hear the man say it during the chorus.) Anyways, I hope this chapter didn't come out too bad. If it did, please forgive me! Most of my writing time has been reduced by less than half. But write and tell me what you think!


	10. Counciling

Whoa! So, it seems that I've turned this story into from being about Inuyasha, Miroku, and Sesshomaru, into being just about Sesshomaru. Damn, it's a bit evident to tell I like him too much! But don't worry, just because Miroku and Inuyasha arn't women anymore, doesn't mean that they still don't have their own challenges to over come. You'll see what I mean later. So, if my story hasn't strayed too far from the point for you, read and enjoy!

**Counciling **

"Okay, so here we go. You're first task is to help out at a women's support center for the day." Kagome was briefing Sesshomaru on her challenges. The demoness looked at her. "A women's support center? Don't they have certain volunteer's for that?" Kagome smiled at her. "Yep, and you're now one of them. I signed you up." Sesshomaru rolled her eyes and started grumbling until Kagome swung the bag full of the magic powder in front of her face. "You don't have to, unless you want to stay like that forever, you know." Sesshomaru couldn't have gotten ready quicker.

As the center's newest hired hand walked through the front doors, she couldn't help but notice that the place kind of resembled a cross between a hotel and a hospital. The floors were carpeted and there were lounge chairs in the front lobby, but there was people walking around in white uniforms. _What kind of support do these women need? I hope it's not medical. Then again, this will give me the chance to used the fourteen M.D's and twelve Ph.D's I have. Being 900 years old has it's advantages!_

She walked up to the front counter. A young woman typing at the computer glanced up at her, then turned and handed Sesshomaru a clipboard. "You're the new volunteer? Here, there's your schedule." She gave her a huge smile. "I really hope you can help them. They've been through some pretty traumatic stuff." Her smile vanished and she suddenly turned violent. "Fucking worthless men! Who the hell needs them! I say cut off everything below the waist, even the legs!" Just as quickly as it had vanished, the woman's smile returned, as if nothing had happened. "You do have a Ph.D in psychology, right? You'll be in room 207. Oh, and God bless you!"

Sesshomaru turned away from the counter stunned. "Okay, then," she said to herself. Stopping in the large front hallway, she noticed a map on the wall. A red star was at the bottom and the little sign that was pointing on it said "You are here." Next to it, another sign said, "You are trying to get here." A red arrow led from the first star to another star marked "Room 207." Sesshomaru shook her head, and the sign and arrow disappeared, though strangly, the location was still right. "I knew I shouldn't have tooken those brownies that Shippou offered me. Doesn't ever want to speak to me, but suddenly out of nowhere, he offeres me a batch of brownies. 'For luck,' he said. Ha! Though I do gotta admit, they were off the chain!"

Taking the elevator to the third floor, Sesshomaru headed for room 207. The plaque outside it said, "Abusive Counceling Sessions." _So this is what that woman was talking about. Great, just what I need. A bunch of women talking about killing menkind. _She straightened her face back to the old impassive look, then pushed open the doors.

Save for a quiet murmuring around the room, the place was silent. _Okay, be on your guard. They're just waiting for the discussions to get started. Then they'll be all hyped and ready with their pitch forks to let the slaughter begin. _The women had formed a semi-circle around a single chair at the front, evidently ment for her. Sesshomru sat down in it. "Um...hello..." A few of the women murmered a hello. Many more remained silent.

Sesshomaru continued. "To be honest, um, well, I've never done anything like this before. So, how about we start out small and work our way up, hm? Let's start with, um, names! Yeah, how about all of you tell me your names and how you came to be here." _Good, a few minutes to assess my choices and figure out what the hell I'm going to do. _The first woman stood up. Sesshomaru about died from shock.

Her face was covered with bruises. In fact, now that she actually looked around, Sesshomaru saw that most of the women were covered in bruises. The ones who weren't looked scared beyond belief. "Hi, my name is Natalie and I am the survivor of an abusive marriage." The other women clapped and Natalie sat back down. The next woman stood up. "Hi, I'm Melanie and I was raped by my father." Again, a round of applause went off. And so it went, until all twenty women in the room had briefly described their horrendous battles with whomever.

It all had tooken only ten minutes, but to Sesshomaru, it seemed like a lifetime. A few of them were now crying. Despite the M.D's and the Ph.D's she had, she knew nothing of how to heal these women's pain. Most of them were human. A few were demon. Sesshomaru had always solved her/his problems with a sword, but they knew nothing of swordsmanship. Either that, or the person they tried to use it on was edvidently stronger than them.

Maybe that was it! Maybe she could offer defense lessons! "Okay, listen up!" The crying quieted and Sesshomaru stood up. "All these men have hurt you in terrible ways. What needs to be done is that they need a good ass-whooping! Hit em' where it hurts! Chop off his--" Sesshomaru stopped. Wait, she was still really a man! How could she say something like that! Oh, well. No turning back now.

"All of you stand." As the women rose, Sesshomaru got in one of his fighting stances. "I call this move, crouching tiger, kick your ass!" She jumped up, then did a spin kick in the air. As she landed, she gave a satisfiyed smile. "Any man will respect you with that move!" But instead of hearing an applause, she heard complaining.

"How the hell are we supposed to do that?" One woman said. Do we look like Chuck Taylor to you?" "Yeah!" The others chorused. Sesshomaru thought for a moment until she came up with another good idea. "Tae Bo! Billy Blanks would be proud to know that your using his moves! And they're easy enough that everyone can learn them!"

Getting into another fighting position, Sesshomaru prepared to show them another fighting combo. "Alright, now follow my lead! On three! One, two, three!" She did two punches followed by a low side kick. "He ain't shit! Go in time with your moves. Okay, again!" They practiced the attack several times, the only sound coming from the room being the chant of "He ain't shit! He ain't shit!"

After the two hours were over, the women congregated around Sesshomaru to thank her. "Yes, yes, I know. Now make sure that you practice those moves. And you can add your own if you want! Remember, he ain't shit!"

It was about seven-thirty p.m. when Sesshomaru returned back to Kagome's house. "So, did you learn anything?" She asked her. Sesshomaru didn't answer, just simply smiled and headed up the stairs.

Okay, so that chapter didn't have Miroku or Inuyasha in it. But I'll make sure to give them some parts in the next chapter. And I thank ya'll for supporting my turn of events!


	11. Labor Day

Due to some strong language, and some graphic scenes, this chapter my be rated more like M rather than T for teen. I suppose it's not that bad, but this is just a warning. None the less, enjoy!

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Labor Day

"So, you've worked with abused women, now here's your second challenge." Kagome once again was briefing Sesshomaru on her tasks. "Today you'll be helping a woman in labor." All color in Sesshomaru's face drained. "What!" Kagome put her hands on her hips. "You heard me! You'll be working at St.Clair's Women's and Childrens hospital. Now get going. You're supposed to be there by 9:00 and it's already 8:30."

Sesshomaru took her time walking to the bus stop, hoping that the bus would run late. Strange enough, a red Camero pulled up beside her "Hey, sweet thang!" Kouga called. "Why don't you hop on in my ride and I can show you how to have a good time? I drive a stick. You ladies love a stick, don't you?" Sesshmaru remembered a time that she/he had tried that line on a woman. He had ended up with a black eye. Now standing here wating for this damn bus, she felt like doing likewise to Kouga.

"No, that's alright. I'll walk. The hospital isin't too far away for here." She continued on down the street, but Kouga had the car in first gear and was doing 3 mph, keeping up with her pace. "Oh, going to the hospital, are we? Well, how about we go back to my place and we can play a little doctor there, hm?" Sesshomaru shuddered. Could he not tell that she was Sesshomaru? Or was his eyes only fixated on the new chest she had?

"Look, if you don't want to go to my place, then maybe we can go to yours." Sesshomaru had had enough. "God Kouga, it's me! Sesshomaru? You know, the brother to your rival?" Kouga looked shocked for a moment, then cleared his features. "So?" "So? I'm really a man!" "So?" Sesshomaru gave a huff of frustration. "That dosen't bother you?" Kouga thought for a moment. "Pre-op or post-op?"

The question caught Sesshomaru off guard. "Neither! Some crazy old woman turned me into this!" Kouga was noding his head, as if he understood. "It's okay. Don't be ashamed to show your true self. When I was little, I used to try on my mother's underwear. We all have our little secrets."

Sesshomaru gave him a disgusted look and took off down the street. _The nerve of him! _Due to running, she got to the hospital in about thrity seconds (remember how fast a demon can run!) Crossing her fingers that the woman who worked the front counter was nothing near the way the other woman was at the women's support center, Sesshomaru entered the building.

"Hi, can I help you?" The receptionist asked sweetly. "Um..." for a moment, Sesshomaru considered not doing as Kagome had asked. It would be easy to just walk out. How would she know she didn't go? But she didn't want to risk it. The only way to become a man again was through her. Well, that and surgery, but she wasn't about to be carved on.

"I'm here to help in a delivery." The womans' face lit up like a Christmas tree. "Oh, really? Thank God! The woman went into labor a little earlier than expected and has been rampant ever since. The doctors are too scared to go in there! But maybe you can help her since, you know, you one like her." _One like her what?_

Following a nurse, she led her down a hall to a room near the back. Before even Sesshomaru with her sensitive ears could hear the woman, the nurse stopped. "This is as far as I'm taking you. Good luck." And in a flash, she was gone. _Is it that bad? _Continuing down the hall, she could just make out the tortured screams of a woman. "I don't think I can do this. Teaching women to kick a man's ass was one thing. This is a whole 'nother story!"

Finally entereing the preperation room, Sesshomaru saw that all the doctors were back in a corner. "Are you the repalcement?" one of them asked her. "Um, yeah." The doctors simultaneously gave a sigh of relief. "Good!" Without letting her get ready, they pushed her through the second door into the room with the woman.

Sesshomaru about fainted when she saw the woman on the table. "Kagura? What happened?" "That damn Naraku happened, that's what! Now help me, you worthless peice of shit!" Sessshomaru went up to her spread legs that were propped up, and shuddered. "Um, what am I supposed to do?" "Push, you fucking idiot, push!" "Isin't that your job?" "Look, if you don't get to pushing with me, when I get up, _you're _going to be pushing up daisys!"

Not knowing a thing about child birth, Sesshomru placed her hands and her stomach and started pushing. Kagura kicked him. "No, no, no! Stick your hand in there and help direct the baby, you ass whole!" Sesshomru stopped everything. "Look, you have one more time to call me something and I'm going to go off on you." Kagura responded by giving a loud grunt.

" Oh, God! It's like trying to push out a watermelon!" Looking down again, Sesshomaru noticed that something whitish was showing. "Um, Kagura? You have a huge bubble coming out from your legs. Here, I'll just pop it--" "Don't, idiot! That's the head!" "Oh, then in that case, I'll just pull it right on out--" "Bitch, harm my child and you and me are gonna have some problems!" "Then what the hell am I supposed to do?" "Keep pushing!" "But I wasn't to begin with!"

Their senseless banter went on for a few more minutes. Finally, the rest of the baby was showing. "Now, you can grab it and pull _gently_," Kagura said, her voice weak. Sesshomaru did as she said. The baby was a girl. "Do you want it, or should I give it to one of the other doctors--" I want to see my baby before it goes, moron!" Sesshomaru handed the chld to her. "Good! She dosen't look like that horrible bastard of a father of hers." Looking up, though, Sesshomaru could see Naraku peeking in through the window. He smiled and waved his pinky at Kagura; she flicked him off.

Sesshomaru walked out the room before she grew sick and immediatly started washing her hands in the sink in the prep room. Naraku walked up to her. "What was it? Was it a boy? Cause if it was, I was thinking we could name it Naraku Jr. and we could play baseball and when he turns five, I can sign him up for pee-wee football and we could--" "It was a girl." Naraku's face fell. "Oh." And without another word, he left.

Getting back to Kagome's a few minutes later, Sesshomaru saw that Inuyasha, Miroku, and Kirara was having some kind of argument. Inuyasha was holding a bowl of milk in his hands while Miroku shouted to put it on the floor. Kirara had transformed and was swiping at Inuyasha. Finally, the monk threw a glass of something on the hanyou.

"Water? That's your great and mighty way to make me hand over what's rightfully mine? I ate the Cocoa Puffs with the milk just to make chocolate milk, and here you guys are, trying to make me fork it over. Tell the damn cat to make her own cereal!" Despite this, Miroku was smirking. "That wasn't ordinary water; that was holy water. It should start burning in about...now."

Just then, Inuyasha started rolling on the floor and crying bloody murder. "Let the power of Christ compell you!" Miroku chanted. Sesshomaru just shook her head and kept going up the stairs. Compared to the hectic morning she just had, this pretty tame.

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So, there you folks have it! And I worked in Miroku and Inuyasha and even a little bit of Kirara this time! I suppose it wasn't as graphic as I thought it would be. Well, tell me your opinions on this chapter okay? 


	12. Three Times The Charm

Back again with another fabulous chapter for my story! I'm getting close to the end, in fact, this might be my next to last chapter for this story! Well, I won't hold you anymore. Read it, like it, love it!

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Three Times The Charm

"So far, so good, Sesshomaru. Now there's just one last thing I want you to do." Kagome paused for a dramatic effect, then said, "I want you to call up every girl whose heart you've ever broken and say you're sorry." Sesshomaru gaped at her.

"What? What the hell is that supposed to do?" "Give them piece of mind. Right now, they're probably at home thinking about how much they cared for you, but all you did is throw them aside like trash." "But they all _were _thrash! Over half of them just wanted my money--" "And the other half? Decent women who gave a damn about you. Quite frankly, I wouldn't have spared a second of my time on such an arrogant bastard." Sesshomaru stared at her.

"Just why I have had twenty girlfriends (not counting junior high) and I'm not even 901 yet, while you, my sad little friend, are still pining for my half-demon, half-brother from another mother." Kagome's lips curled over her teeth and she gave an almost animalistic snarl.

Stomping over to the phone, she then thrusted it at Sesshomaru. "Why don't you call up all twenty of your ex's and tell them how sorry you are?" "But I'm not." This time, Kagome merely smirked. "You either learn to be sorry, or you can learn how to change your pads until you're forty-five. In demon time, that's probably...500 years." Sesshomaru's eyes widened in horror at the thought. She quickly picked up the phone.

"Wait. You have to tell each of them that you're currently a woman. It's only fair that they get a few kicks from the your misery as you got from them." Sesshomaru opened her mouth to start protesting, but Kagome wrote _Always _on a piece of paper and showed it to her. She got the message.

Sesshomaru decided to start with the first girl he dated in high school. The girl's phone rang three times before someone answered it. "Hello?" "I...er...um..." Kagome slapped her forehead, then started scribbling furiously on a few sheets of paper, then held them up like cue cards. Sesshomaru looked at them and spoke. "This is Sesshomaru...I wanted to call and let you know that...I'm sorry for dumping you in college--I'm mean, high school...and I'm currently a woman." The line immediatly went dead.

"Oh, great ass-hole!" Kagome chewed. "You scared her away!" "Well, that wouldn't have happened if you weren't giving me these wack-ass lines!" Kagome crumpled the papers up and made a shot from the kitchen table to the trash can. She missed, though she was only three feet from it. Ignoring it, she turned back to Sesshomaru.

"Well? Get on the next call!" Sesshomaru did, this time when the girl picked up, he decided to do things her way. "Hello? Is this Maria? Oh, good! Um, this is Sesshomaru and I'm now a woman and--" _Click. _

Four calls and four dial tones later, Sesshomaru decided to give it up. "What's the use? None of them care anymore and all of them are freaked out that I'm a woman. If this is supposed to bring them reparation, it's not working." "Tough, ain't it? Good, it should be. Now, keep calling!"

Sesshomaru was sweating hard as she dialed her ninteenth number. "Look, let me get straight to the point. My name is Sesshomaru, the guy you dated in high school. I've been turned into a woman and I wanted to say I'm sorry for leaving you." The line was silent, but the girl hadn't hung up. Strangly, though, it was a masculine voice that answered. "Sesshomaru? Oh, my god! I thought I'd never hear from you again! My name's not Christine any more, it's Chris. I also had a sex change! So, what you been up to?" This time, it was Sesshomaru who hung up early.

"Man, it's funny how much people can change in just a few short years. She was the best looking one of them all. Now Christine's no longer Christine, but is Chris? And I was considering going with her again, too!" "Oh, but now you can! She's now a he, and you're now a she, and you're not with anyone, so you're available!" Sesshomaru made a face at her. "Let me think about it. No." "Well, then call the last one and tell them the good news."

Sesshomaru's hands were shaking as she dialed the number. Sesshomaru hadn't dated her because of her looks. For some reason, he had actually felt a true attraction to her. Others called it love, Sesshomaru called it needing to get laid.

"Hello? Is Kikyou there?" There was a shuffling on the other side, as though someone was moving from one area to another. "Kikyou! Someone's on the phone for ye!" Kaede called through the house. A moment later, Kikyou's breathless voice was speaking. "Hello?"

Sesshomaru's voice clogged. She hadn't changed at all, not that she could tell from hearing her, at least. "Hello?" Kikyou said, more impatient this time. Sesshomaru started making spluttering sounds, as though hyperventilating. Kikyou gave a frustrated sigh, then hung up.

"What the fuck was that! You didn't even talk to the girl!" Kagome chewed Sesshomaru out again. "I couldn't! It's not that easy, you know!" The miko was silent for a moment, then said, "Aww, you wuved her! How sweet!" Sesshomaru made a disgusted face. "Of course not. This Sesshomaru does not possess such pathetic human emotions such as love." "Then what's making "this Sesshomaru" not want to talk to her?" Sesshomaru didn't have an answer for that.

"Well, if it's that hard to speak over the phone, maybe you should go to her house." Sesshomru paled even more than she already was at the thought. "Fine, I'll call the wainch up." "Atta girl!" Kagome cheered.

Just as before, the phone rang a few times before Kaede's old voice answered. "Hello?" This time, Sesshomaru sounded more confident as she asked for Kikyou. But when Sesshomaru heard Kikyou's voice again, she started stuttering again. "Look, damn it. I don't have time to be doing this. If you're not going to speak to me, don't call!" "Kikyou, wait! I--" But the line was dead.

"Damn it!" Sesshomaru screamed, and almost threw the phone against a wall. She stopped herself in time. "I can't do this. If I can't speak to her over the phone, then I can't speak to her in person. I'll just write her a letter and call it a day." Kagome felt sorry for Sesshomaru and let her do just that. That is, until she saw what was written in the letter:

Dear, Kikyou

I am now a woman.

--Sesshomaru

"Not no, but hell no." Kagome crumpled the letter. "You can't do that to her." "Fine, then how about this?"

Dear, Kikyou

I'm sorry I dumped you. I am now a woman with even bigger tits than you.

--Sesshomaru

"No, no, no! You know what? Fuck it. Erase the part about the tits and lets call it a day. Even I'm getting fed up with you." Sesshomaru did as she said, then encased the letter in an envelope, addressed it, and put it in the mailbox at the end of the road with the red flag raised. "Damn, why do they have so many steps?" She was panting by the time she got back to the top.

The kitchen was now empty, but she could hear everyone else now awake an in the living room, laughing their asses off at _Power Rangers. _Instead of joining them, she dragged her feet upstairs again and laid down, feeling almost depressed. The thought of changing back never crossed her mind.

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Yeah, I know everyone probably hates me for having Sesshomaru going with Kikyou, but I wanted to add a few more characters from the show. Kagura was already used, (and someone reviewed and asked that could Kagura's baby be Kanna, so yes, Kagura's daughter's name is Kanna, and no, Naraku has not exactly left her. He just would have rather have had a boy.) So, review and tell me what you think! 


	13. lessons Learned?

So, this is it! The last chapter. Has Sesshomaru passed his tests? No! But read this anyways!

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Lessons Learned?

"Okay, close your eyes." Kagome stood before Sesshomaru for a final time. Reaching into the old pouch that she had been carring around for the past week, she took a handful of dust out and threw it on her. In an instant, the her became a him.

Sesshomaru opened his eyes, looked down at himself, then gave a celebratory leap. Though, because he didn't know his own strenth, he went through the ceiling and cracked his head on the bottom of the bathtub. In turn, the tub went though the floor. A naked Miroku sat in the middle of the living room. "Well, ladies, if you wanted to see me with my clothes off, why didn't you just ask?" Sango and Kagome rolled their eyes, then complety averted them when the monk stepped out teh tub, no towel or clothes to cover himself.

"Boy, it's good to be a man! I walk with confidence knowing I got my swing back." And here, he looked pointedly down at himself. He walked back up stairs, smiling.

Sesshomaru was about to head outside when Inuyasha stopped him. "What's this I hear about you and Kikyou?" Sesshomaru shrugged. "It was just a booty call." He tried to walk past his brother, but Inuyasha pushed his shoulder back. "Naw, Kagome is just a booty call. Sango is just a booty call. Hell, if you become desperate, Kagura, Princess Abi, and Sara are all booty calls. But Kikyou? That's a real woman there who deserves real respect. Now, I know I haven't been real faithful to her, going back and forth between her, Kagome, and Kagura--" "What!" Kagome scremed. "Nothing," Inuyasha said. "but anyways, all I'm saying is, she deserves better than either of us."

Jus then, the phone rang. Inuyasha answered it. "Uh-huh. Uh-huh. You don't say? You don't say? What the hell _are _you saying? Oh. Wait a minute! You're joking, right? Oh, hell no!" He slammed the reciever down.

"Ain't that about right? Well, it looks like Kikyou found her someone better than both of us." "Who?" Sesshomaru asked him. "Kouga." "What!" Everyone in the room screamed. "Yep. She said somehting abou how after she got a strange letter from Sesshomaru saying that he was a woman, she decided she needed someone who knew a woman's worth. She remembered how nice he'd been to Kagome and figured that since she wasn't using him, she would. They're set to get married in a month."

"Damn, and I was planning to hook up with her again." Sesshomaru muttered. "Oh, well! Now let's see who might be available." He pulled a little black book from his pocket and started flipping through it. "Hm...Melissa, no. Too thin. Natalie? Uh-uh, her hair was too bushy. Amanda? Definely not, she was too much of a freak for me. Then who?" He had reached the end of the book. He held it up and stared at it. "You, my Guide to Getting Women, has failed." He turned to Inuyasha. "Little bro, having run out of purpose to use this, I now give it to you. Use it wisely. Let the pimping be with you."

Inuyasha's face lit up. "Really? You mean, it's really, really mine?" He started laughing, a few chuckles here and there, until it escalated to a hysterical roar. "Ha...ha ha...ha ha ha! Ah-ha ha! Finally, I have the power!" And he held the book high above his head as though it were a sacred object. Kagome plucked it from his fingers.

"Didn't you learn anything from this whole experince? Or maybe you need to spend a few more days as a woman--" "Naw, I'm okay! So, um, any of you ladies up to...damn, what is it that women did again? Oh, yeah, um, anyone want to watch _Sex and the City_?" Kagome and Sango held their smiles in check. "No, that's okay. You go on and watch it without us." Strangely enough, he did just that.

"I really think this whole thing has bettered them," Sango said. Kagome nodded. "They're not perfect, but this wasn't really something that could be completed in a week. Maybe we can't change all the men in the world, but at least we've been able to change three. Considering men today, I'd have to say, that's quite an achievement." Sango smiled. "Amen."

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So, there you have it. The last chapter! I want to thank everyone who reviewed, and even those who might not have. I greatly appreciated all of your comments and love all of you for them and everyone for simply reading! You were there with me when things were a little rocky, but you gave me the confidence to continue!

Okay, let me stop with the Oscar speech, cause I'm on the brink of tears! I plan to have my next story out in just a few minutes (actually, it's probably out now, so you can check the "just in" stories and find it. I named it, "Got Any Spare Change?" This one I decided to do based on Naraku's point of view (Something new. How many stories have you read where Naraku is the main character?), and of course it's another comedy. It's about Naraku losing a business of his and having no where else to work but for Sesshomaru, the very person who bought out his company. Okay, I think I've already said too much here. Once again, I thank all of you! Peace out!

**That's All Folks! **


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